so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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