what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
