Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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