My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
