I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
