An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
