i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize