so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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