No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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