No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think i have two assholes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
