I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize