How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
