Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
