When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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