Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
