You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
