When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
