jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize