just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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