Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
