Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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