how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm at about main and main street
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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