Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
