Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
