You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
