The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
