No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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