About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
