Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
