guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
