pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
