He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
