More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize