Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
