Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
