You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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