I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
