You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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