I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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