A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
