we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
