Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
