I skipped work to stalk him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
