I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize