You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize