I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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