i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
