once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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