It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
