i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
