I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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