it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Terrible idea I love it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
