the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
