What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
