If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
