rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
