see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
