so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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