I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm really into asian looking animals
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
