i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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