I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
