Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
