just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
