How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
