I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize