You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
