it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
