do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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