you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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