mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
