they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
