How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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