You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
