NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
