it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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