his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
