He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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