____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
